looser

Getting in touch with the looser in me .. secretly kept , away from people .. there has to be a looser living in you .. The looser conversations , why me , why didnt i ? why can't i ? You make me sick and i noticed u just dont try enough .. people do say if you try , you can achieve anything ..  what a thought !! i totally disagree ..  i really like to sing but can i ? i mean i have heard myself sing and believe me  .. beleive me .. lets not even go there !! i could go for voice training and yea be a bit better but bottom line is .. i wont be able to be the singer i wanna be 
maybe trying sometimes is better than not doing anything about it .. one has to have certain  amount of luck , circumstance in life  for something's to succeed .. but trying is there
..sometimes you know what u wanna do but u just can't put the effort and TRY ... trying is the best you can do .. when you try u don go back and wonder, what if .. So the looser in me should try .. hmmm .,, the looser in me thinks that this is a dumb post ...

Everything ends .. everything has to end ..
Morning always came too soon and u always had to rush ... i take a shower , lie down and inhale what i loved the most .. trying to figure out why i was there .. and it would be time for me to leave ...
Then he calls .. and everything stops .. . i could pass out in his arms .. it was a place of heaven .. how i love every bit of it in the most senseless way ... what a mess ive left .. what a mess it was ... ....
Today i lay here ... wishing i slept ... it might rain soon and i might cry soon too .. why do we know what we are missing ?

Few days back
It was a mormal day , like everyother .. but it could be the last day for someone ... its amazing how you can feel the pain of others ... how ur heartbreaks for someone you never met .. the hopes and dreams they would have had for him .. died with him ... such is life , i remind myself

Makes me wonder why my sadness is  ? what is it that i am looking for ? what makes me happy ? i think its my thoughts ... imaginary friend comes and leaves ... we all need space  from eachother ... i have reasons for me to convince im lucky  ... taking a look at the world around , one news channel should be able to make me realize i'm one of the luckiest ...... being ungrateful is just not right ...

And i try to talk , chit chat maybe gossip .. thats how people live , ive seen .. the scenario was her boyfriend broke up with her and now is dating someone new .. and obviously her main focus was how unbelievable it was ... nothing made sense to me , if he leaves then he must not want her anymore ... whats there not to get ? i miserably failed being part of that conversation ...

Next would be trying to do something productive with my time .. productive as in something i can makes some money  out of ? i suppose  ... lets see paint?? make frames ,? cards ? who would seriously buy what I MAKE !!

Maybe i should try harder to sleep when im supposed to ? Try harder to not wonder is you were around ? its just that i miss you and wish you would call again .. this time i wont mind listening to instructions you give for hours and hours ... one is allowed to miss their mum i suppose ...